Friday, January 30, 2009

Forced Pyjamas

If you are anything like me, then you may have recently awoken, stretched looked out the window of a tram and pondered, “Where are my pants?”

The tranny sleeping next to you has obviously carved away the unnecessary parts in exchange for easy access.

That terrible fear you have pulsing through your skin - especially in the area “down there” – is called shame. You are probably experiencing a blank space between: “I last remember…” and: “Where are the rest of my pants?” That lacuna is called a blackout.

Fortunately, this modern age of the mobile phone technology is sure to make snapshots available to you and countless others over the internet. Just think of it! You may be a star on YOUTUBE, FACEBOOK, or THE NEWS!

That feeling described earlier may now be deepening. Once again, we call this shame. The word that authorities use to describe it will be quite different. In court it is called, evidence.

Try to learn what city you are in. If it is the same that you started out in the previous evening, give yourself a pat on the back. If it is a different city, attempt to learn the local customs and language. For example, are pants a requirement? It is a safe bet that they are.

Are you bleeding? How’d that happen? Make sure that the blood is yours! Check to see if you have both of your kidneys, as you will need those. Scars, scrapes, bruises and new tattoos are a good indicator of the previous night’s meanderings. Blood is of an undisclosed origin is never a good sign.

Are you in jail again? If so, do not demand anything from the authorities. Demands made from someone in forced pyjamas seldom, if ever, are met.

Do you still have pockets? Check their contents. A wallet, keys, and mobile phone are all good indications. If there are snacks or unmarked pills, do not eat them.

If your mobile phone is available, call someone close to you and ask, “Where am I?” If there is no credit left on your phone, look at the last number dialled. Perhaps this recalls the name of the nearby tranny. If so, congratulations! Your memory is starting to come back to you!

Now, go and find some proper pants! You are going to have a long day ahead of you!

No comments:

Post a Comment