Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Obesity: It could get big around here

Many are the diseases one could choose whilst attempting to describe the American people today, yet none so captures the essence of America like the spreading epidemic, Obesity. For it is obesity alone that fully allows our people to live to the maximum capacity what the Founding Fathers envisaged as the American dream: a society where people literally embody both mass-production and mass-consumption, simultaneously.

Obesity is a controversial topic for a comedian to explore because it’s half the potential audience these days. The extra-half.

Yet, if half of the world simply walked half of its food to the other half, which is currently starving, most of the world’s problems could be solved.

But do we do that? No. Instead, we say, "Here, hefty, eat this pill!"

And to the part of Earth that is starving, we say, "Sorry…don’t really have much in the way of money or food at the moment. Seem to have lost it gambling on the stock market. But we do have these extra guns at mate's rates. Would guns help?"

If I were a Doctor I’d prescribe more coffee. Fair-trade coffee, of course. I'd say to patients...surely seven or eight times a day... "Have you considered coffee? Up your coffee intake, Hefty. The worst that could happen is you do nothing, but much more quickly. And, perhaps, in a slightly more intense fashion. And given what danger your body is in from cardiovascular disease, cancer, arthritis and diabetes.. some extra anxiety wouldn’t be such a bad thing."

Sure, it has been suggested my solution would be a bad idea; but I had to correct the person's retort. You see, I’m an American, and we happen to be FULL of bad ideas. Bursting at the seems in fact!

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