Thursday, February 5, 2009

Our current medical leaders are naming diseases after themselves

I have a theory that when most people say they have a theory, they really only have a hypothesis. I call it "Bulman's Theory of Theory vs. Hypothesis". When elevated to the status of Law, I will call it "Bulman's Law of Theory vs. Hypothesis".

I am just waiting on the scientific community to get back to me on my proposal. And they are taking their time to get back to this maverick...perhaps because when I proposed the theory, I had eaten a large quantity of Acid. Now, I don't take LSD any more and learned the hard way that I can't handle the sound that certain colours taste.

And now that I have ceased my LSD experimentation I have returned to the realm of normal...but perhaps a little quirkier. Allergic to things like: Purple.

But while the scientific community thinks I'm weird, I propose to you that they are the oddities. For example, what kind of sick egos are required to uncover diseases, viruses or congenital, debilitating cancers, and then deliberately choose to name the diseases after themselves?

Dr. Hodgekin nearly came to blows with his fellow, Dr. non-Hodgekin, over the discovery of a similar, yet entirely different type of Lymphoma. Oh, they had words...believe you me, my friends. Dr. non-Hodgekin's final words were, "Well, it's certainly not of the Hodgekin variety."

If I discovered a disease, then I'd only name it after myself if the patient were lucky to have contracted it in the first place. The physician could smile as he brought the good news and said, "Sir, how fortuitous. You are not going to believe your luck! It's as though you've developed immunity to every known STI on Earth. It's as though you have have anti-AIDS, or Bulman's syndrome."

"Like that Theory guy?" the patient would ask.

"The very same," the doctor will say. And perhaps he'll add, "Except it's Bulman's Law now."

That is because I want to be remembered on my tombstone as, "Bulman...he had this Theory and he was like the opposite of AIDS."

Our current medical system is naming diseases after its leaders. In some cases, such as Alzheimer, the founder is both remembered and forgotten for his discovery. All too often the following phrase is repeated by the physician: "Sir, you are not going to remember what you have." Sometimes, it's repeated to the same patient on several different occasions.

What we should be doing is naming diseases after our nemeses, villains, dictators. That way, the person would really appreciate the gravity of the situation.

"Is it bad, Doctor?"

"Well, sir, they certainly don't call it Hitler Cancer for chuckles. It's the most aggressive cancer we know of. It wiped out a lot of Europe and has spread rapidly into you. I'd say it's pretty bad."

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