Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Oil Money Family

The Oil-Money Family: Cast of Characters

Mom Oil-Money, an overly protective mother
Dad Oil-Money, a wealthy oil baron
Jimmy Oil-Money, their 16 year old son
Dr. Griswald
Hugo, a bear puppet
Scene: Dr. Griswald’s office, A Paediatric Chiropractic office, Monday Morning

Dr. Griswald: Hello, Oil-Money family. What can I do for you today?

Mom: (Hysterical) It’s our Son, Jimmy! He can’t move his neck.

Dad: (smoking cigar) He’s our adopted son.

Jimmy: My neck hurts. Can’t move it this way (towards right). And now I have a headache!

Dr. Griswald: Well, Jimmy. What happened to bring this about?

Jimmy: I…(interrupted)

Mom: (interrupts) We don’t know! He’s in terrible pain. Help us Dr. Griswald. Money is of no concern.

Dr. Griswald: (stroking beard) Yes, rich people’s children do seem to have the worst type of pain. It’s true. Now Jimmy, do you know anything that might have brought this incident on?

Mom: He just woke up with it!

Dad: He’s adopted. Could that have caused it?

Dr. Griswald: Did it wake you from your sleep Jimmy? Or did you get out of bed and notice it this morning?

Jimmy: This morning…when I got out of bed for school. I was playing football last week and I got hit from behind. But nothing else weird.

Mom: (concerned) Football, Jimmy? You know we don’t allow you to play football, Jimmy. You’re too precious for football.

Dad: Fifteen thousand Dollars…just for the paperwork!

Dr. Griswald: Did you hit your head, notice any pain, lose consciousness or vomit at the time?

Mom: Oh, vomit, gross…we don’t allow that in our house.

Dr. Griswald: Mam, I’ll need to hear the answers from your son. Sir, if you could restrain your wife so that I can hear it from your son!

Dad: (Puts a sack over mom) Our adopted son.

Dr. Griswald: What about it Jimmy? Did you hit your head?

Jimmy: No.

Dr. Griswald: Can you point to the neck pain? What about the headache? Is it on both sides of the head or just one side?

Jimmy: both sides of the head hurt. I can’t turn my head this way (towards the right). And I feel like i’m getting the flu.

Dr. Griswald: (Puts thermometer in mouth) Have you noticed any rashes on your body?

Jimmy: (Shakes head, but only to one side). Can you put your feet together and close your eyes? (Rhomberg)

Dr. Griswald: (Removes the thermometer, which indicates no temperature) Jimmy, can I get you to take your shirt off and sit on the table here? (palpates neck, scm and trapezius, which reproduces pain) Is there any pain there, (tapping neck)? Go like this (flexion, extension, lateral flexion, atlanto-occipital rotation). Is this painful at all? (Performs Jackson’s compression, maximal compression) Follow my fingers, Jimmy (six positions of gaze) Now lay down...(performs kernigs test..) Any pain with that?

Dr. Griswald: (Now addressing parents): Well, guys...I don’t know what your problem is, Jimmy.

Mom: (Mumbles from underneath sack...) But Dr.’re the most expensive and best Dr. there is...can’t you do anything?

Dad: do you think we’ll have to return him?

Dr. Griswald: Please, let me finish Mr. And Mrs. Oil-Money. I don’t know what it is...but I bet I know someone who does (winks at them).

Hugo, the Bear puppet: Hi there Jimmy...I’ve been overseeing Dr. Griswald’s entire assessment and it seems like you’ve got a torticollis with assosciated subluxations. This is the cause of your neck pain...Hardy-har-har...grrrr!

Dad: Jesus, man!

Dr. Griswald: He’s good, isn’t he!

Dad: You know... he’s adopted, not retarded.

Hugo, the bear puppet: What we are going to do is...PIR, which is a type of stretch; then, some massage and you might even get an adjustment!

Jimmy: I don’t want that man touching me.

Dr. Griswald: (ruffles jimmy’s hair) That’s ok, little fella. I won’t touch you. Dr. Hugo is going to do the procedure...

Hugo: (Finishes treatment)

Family: Thanks Dr. Griswald!

Dr. Griswald: Don’t thank me! Thank the bear!

Family: Thanks, Hugo!

Hugo: My pleasure...see you tomorrow! And don’t forget to settle up with the secretary out front, because we don’t take accounts here!

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