Sunday, November 29, 2009

Karate Man Dojos

Karate (karot-tay) is an ancient martial art; man is an ancient martial warrior; dojo is an ancient Japanese word. On their own, each evokes fear in the throats of one’s enemies; yet combined these elements unleash the raw power of a thousand focused monkeys.

Sensei Tang has been a Karate Man since the 1970s. As pioneers Bruce Lee, Sonny Chiba and black guys with Afros moved west to Hollywood, Tang went against convention, moving east to Okinawa. Here he learned the secret striking ways of Okinawa’s notorious Monkey-Cobra Gangs. Then, in 1980, Tang returned home fully trained, exploding onto the American scene at Karate-con.

Karate-con is the world’s premier full contact Karate Championships held each year in Colorado. Over six brutal days, Tang’s lethal strikes liquefied the internal organs of his opponents. With skill and precision, Sensei Tang killed four men in the ring and a cougar that happened to encounter him outside his motel. Tang then ate the whole cougar, entrails and all, to instill fear into his final opponent. Who was this opponent? None other than a hitherto unknown Chuck Norris.

The world title battle against Master Sensei Chuck Norris lasted eight long hours. Thunderstorms threw lightning and the earth’s plates shifted as each competitor harnessed and unfurled natures forces upon the other. So much blood was shed that each competitor required four illegal blood transfusions to continue to the end. Tang eventually won on points, though admittedly Chuck Norris was simultaneously fighting off terminal cancer. It is still known as the classic battle amongst karate men the world around.

In 1981, Sensei Tang retired from competition and set up Karate Man Dojos. Never have the warrior’s key elements been combined into such a lethal fighting force as Karate Man Dojos. Learn to karate chop. Learn to karate strike. Do you want to kill a live bear with your hands? Sensei Tang will not only teach you how, but he’ll put you to the test with regular cage-matches against animals you’ve never even heard of (black belts, only).

2010 will bring about thirty years since the Tang karate-con revolution. And he again has acquired the taste for blood. This year, he plans to mark his dominance by closing the fist of his empty hand upon government. Sensei Tang is now recruiting students for group attack missions. Power will be gained. Honor will be won! Become a Karate Man! Take your place at Karate Man Dojos before a Karate Man finds and takes his Karate stance on you.

Don’t be a pussy! Join today!

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