Monday, March 1, 2010

Blog Entry Number 1: Operation DEEPHILL

Orientation…somewhere in Asia Pacific…

Though uncertain and confused about much of the program’s structure, I was comforted to know these feelings are mutual in our program’s leaders.

Some things, however, were made abundantly clear.

1) Pants! They are necessary… we must obtain pants and wear pants at all times. This is especially important when we are in the clinic setting, where we will be known as “pant wearing doctors”. This rule has been broken in the past, but forgetting your pants will no longer be tolerated. Our leaders could not express more emphatically how badly it reflects upon the profession when pants are neglected.

2) Boxes! There are people in boxes. That is what the cursor represents. In Weeks one and two, these boxes will be broken. The people will be freed from these boxes. Some will be students from the first year. They are Bachelors. We are Master (singular). Some boxes will have a diagonal line drawn upon them. This represents one box turned into two boxes. Understood?

3) X-Rays! They, like pants, are necessary. Even though X-rays shoot through pants, the pants are still necessary. At least one… and then though initially surprised… two of our leaders became reasonably certain that we students are to take X-rays as soon as we get our hands on the first year students who are trapped in boxes. X-rays are simple, like a gun…point and shoot. Except its bullets explode over a long period of time and are called cancer.

4) Shirts! (See item 1, “Pants”)

5) Teachers! It has been put forth by several staff members that a cost saving measure may be implemented should the situation become extreme. In this scenario, deemed “harebrained” by some, “pioneering” by others…all practical classes are to be taught by many clever, carefully selected, nimble fingered monkeys.

6) Money! There is not enough of it to pay staff to teach material previously covered (see curriculum for past 30 years). However, the good news is, the students will pay more of it. So, in a way, the students will get more. More or less. Understood?

7) Sponsored! If you like, you can get other people to pay for seminars for you. Just ask. It’s pretty easy. Why didn’t you fools get someone to sponsor you for all of your education? Just ask a Gonstead Chiropractor, they will be happy to help out. Especially after having their job replaced by…no, not monkeys…by no one and nothing.

8) Seats! There are not enough of them. The carefully planned meeting promptly came to an end as time ran out and other, more important students required our seats.

1 comment:

  1. Just wanted to say I listened to to the triple J raw comedy podcast.
    Freaking hillarious!
    "I relax by drinking coffee - I then relax more quickly, and slightly more intensely".
    Thanks for the perfect morning laugh!