Friday, May 18, 2012

Born to Sleep

Born to Sleep
Girl: Hey you, come here...(Girl brings Man to bedroom.  Holds hands and smiles.)
Man: Babe, what’s this?
Girl: (Proud)  It’s a new mattress.  The guy at the store sold it to me.  It’s an air mattress; Like Nike Air.  Softest technology there is...Most advanced materials to date.  Some use springs and coils, others use foam, others use gel.  This one uses air.  (Kicks it.  It moves, obviously flimsy) Light as air.  And the most expensive on the market.  Want to give it a try?
Man: (Repulsed) Oh, dear.  God no.  I’d never sleep in that coffin.
Girl: Coffin?
Man: That’s right, coffin.  I used to be like you and sleep on a mattress.  I’d spend thousands of dollars on mattress after mattress, but I kept injuring myself.
Girl: Injuring?
Man: Yes, injuring.  But then I read Born to Sleep.  Learned about Blanco-Blanco and his sleeping ways.
Girl: Sleep?  Blanco-Blanco?
Man: Yes,  Blanco-Blanco. Born to Sleep. It’s this great sciencey book about a tribe in Mexico, and a great white man who joined them because he loved sleeping.  He sought them out...For they are ultra sleepers.  Perhaps the greatest sleepers there are.  They can sometimes have sleep for 2, 3, 4 days in a row.  And they don’t have any mattresses whatsoever.  Just a thin strip of leather on the ground to prevent rocks from digging into them.   The tribe deemed him capable of great feets of sleep, too, so they adopted him, and bestowed the name Blanco-Blanco upon him.
Girl: No mattresses?  Don’t they get hurt sleeping like that?
Man: No, that’s the most amazing part.  They can sleep days at a time and then awaken refreshed and completely injury-free.
Girl: I don’t believe it.  No mattress whatsoever?  Sounds a little dangerous.
Man: NO!  That’s the whole thing.  It’s actually much safer.   In fact, it turns out we evolved to sleep like that!   Then, in modern times, someone invented the modern mattress and completely changed our sleeping rhythms. 
Girl: Really?

Man: YES!  We were a sleeping pack animal that evolved from monkeys.  Look at a pack of monkeys, look at how they sleep.  Do you see monkey’s sleeping on mattresses?
Girl: Well, no, but...
Man: Blanco-blanco is a great man.
Girl: okay.
Man: Or primitive tribes...  Do they have mattresses?  No.  Of course not.  They just sleep wherever it pleases them.  Most of them are very lazy, too, which is why they sleep all of the time, and why they are still primitive. 

Girl: I don’t think I agree with that.
Man: Well they are.  Science.  Blanco-Blanco.  Born to sleep and all...So now you can now clearly see that a tribe in Mexico sleeps without bedding, and primitive tribes in Africa sleep without bedding, and monkeys sleep without bedding...and so does Blanco-Blanco.  And none of them has cancer, modern disease or injury.
Girl: Okay.  So, what.  Should we just sleep here on the ground? 
Man: No, no, no.  You’re going to need to buy a modern piece of ground to protect yourself from shards of glass or syringes that could be anywhere in here.  A minimalist mattress.  Fibrum Vive Vingers.
Girl: Oh, like those gloves for your feet, but it’s a mattress.
Man: No, completely different concept!
Girl: Oh.  Sounds very similar.
Man: Totally different.
Girl: Okay.  Shrugs shoulders. So, I guess I won’t be needing this expensive injury maker (pulls a knife from under the bed, stabs the air mattress).  Should we try sleeping...naturally?
Man: That’s right babe.  Call me Blanco-Blanco.


  1. Cool story. Is this Blanco-Blanco for real? I was looking for information about beds like air mattresses in general but instead found this story about natural sleep habits.

  2. Yes, unfortunately Blanco-Blanco recently was found dead at the bottom of a canyon in Mexico. Presumably, he went the way he would have wanted to go: sleeping naturally near a cliff on a minimalist mattress.