Saturday, June 16, 2012

H20, Yo!

Two advertising agents walk into a very dry and boring board room, attempting to sell a bottled water commercial to executives: Real stiff, dry accounting type guys. The product is called “H2O yo” and is targeted at urban youth. The two advertising agents begin to act out the product after setting the scene as such:
“ Imagine a modern day, urban street corner, where crack-rock, crystal meth, heroin are all being slung...that means sold... at a premium. The question I hear you ask yourself is: What are these guys drinking with their drugs? The answer goes something like this...(The advertising agents get into character and begin to act out the commercial).”
1: Hey Dawg, what you drinking? Ice tea, cocacola, gatoraid, purple stuff?
2: Naw, Cuz. It’s a new thing, yo.
1: New thing?
2: Yeah. H2O, yo.
1: For real for real?
2: Yeah. This shorty had some and turned me on to it.
1: Sounds all high and mighty to me.
2: Naw, son. It’s just Two Hydrogen with one Oxygen. A little chemistry for the soul.
1: Awe, look at you dropping science!!
2: That’s right son. It’s responsible for both hydrophilic and hydrophobic properties, and is somewhat charged as a molecule.
1: Oh, no he didn’t.... Oh, snap. My man is a chemistry professa yo.
2: It’s what creates those hydrogen bonds, yo! (HANDS IN THE AIR)
1: DAYEMMMM! (Covering mouth, leaning backward) Say it again.
2: It’s those Hydrogen Bonds, Yo! (Hands Higher in the air, building in excitement.)
1: What do I need H20 for, yo?
2: You kidding me, cuz? Osmosis.
1: Oz, smoke dis?
2: (getting serious) Osmosis. It’s one of the principles for life! Probably the most important one.
1: (happy and playful) My man is totally dropping science like gravity drops titties. Thanks for schooling me yo! Give me some rock and some H20, yo!
2: Naw, son. Ain't no thang. It’s a pleasure doing business with you.
And scene...(turning to face account executives)

One account executive starts to clap slowly and stand, but the other executives don’t join in. “Sit down Smith,” says an old executive.

Another executive says, “It’s good. I’ll have you that. But it lacks...a certain. Will urban youth get it?”

Old executive who told Smith to sit down says, “I don’t like that they use the word titties.”

Another executive says, “My question is this: will the black kids get it?"

Number one advertising agent interrupts, offended, “Black kids? Black kids? Who said ANYTHING about race?”

Number two interrupts, “Wow. Wow. All I have to say is wow.”

Number one adds, “Are you suggesting Black kids don’t know chemistry? What, can’t black kids relate to hydrogen bonds? I’ll have you know many of my friends are black, and they drop hydrogen bonds all the time.”

Number two, still angry, “All the time.”

Number one, beginning to pack up, “Fine. If your company wants to be branded as racist, say no to this commercial. That’s your racist problem. “

The big boss interrupts: “No one will be going anywhere. And no one calls me a racist...not after all the money I paid on our fair-work campaign about equal rights in the work place. You guys just sold some H2O, yo!”

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