Thursday, July 12, 2012

Canberra's Multicultural Stand

Scene: The Canberra Multicultural Festival, Iraqi stand

American (wearing a red hat, shouting): Hi, I’m an American. Name’s matt.
Iraqi Woman (startled): Oh. What brings you here? Weren’t you just at the Afghanistan Stand?
American: Actually, it’s pronounced Afghanistan. Not Afghanistan-stan.
Iraqi Woman: Yes. That’s what I said. Afghanistan Stand.
American: Stan. Afghanistan. There is only one stan in Afghanistan. Yes, I just came from it.
Iraqi Woman (confused, looks over to see Afghanistan stand on fire, suspiciously nods): Okay?
American: I just wanted to thank you for today, the food here is excellent. This is for you (presents an American flag, full sized on a pole placed in front of the Iraq stand).
Iraqi Woman: Thank you. We have an ancient heritage. Would you like some reading material to take with you?
American: No, I don’t really like to read about history very much. But I wanted to demonstrate my thanks.
Iraqi Woman: Demonstrate?
American: Yes, you see (2 large, intimidating friends gather around), we didn’t have a stand in the multicultural festival today. America that is. So, we decided to...how can I put this...well we wanted to help liberate someone else’s stand. Take some pressure off...That could be our contribution.
Iraqi Woman (confused): Liberate?
American (Walking uninvited behind the stand with two muscle bound intimidators): Yes, you see you have all of these wonderful resources behind the stand here...Food, oil, a great position in the middle of the Festival (sweeps arm around to rest of festival, Afghanistan Stand has been reduced to cinders). We have nothing. Perhaps we could help you to distribute these more efficiently?...more democratically.
Iraqi Woman (being pushed to sideline, seated): But I don’t want you to.
American: Nonsense. (Shouting to the crowd, Step right up, Step right up Get your genu-ine Iraqi cuisine. Enjoy your mezze, Bamia, and kebab...Limited time offer of Two Dollars.
Iraqi Woman: But they cost ten dollars.
American: (addressing Iraqi) We figure you’ve been inflating the price unnaturally. Besides, look at the hype we are creating...people want to get into this Iranian stand now.
Iraqi Woman: But we are Iraq.
American: Whatever...We’re getting the wheels turning again. (Addressing crowd now) Get you’re kebab. Here, that looks dry...enjoy some oil with that (splashes olive oil on the dish, then removes spout and douses the oil all over the dish. Topples remainder of bottle, says, “Whoops,” and opens a second without batting an eye).
Iraqi Woman: We only have a limited supply of that oil. Be careful.
American: You got plenty. Look at the reserves under here (many boxes of olive oil under the table)
Iraqi Woman: But that must last us the whole festival.
American: You got plenty. Whoops. Hold on...Sorry, I’m being replaced.
Iraqi Woman: Replaced?
American: Yes, my term has ended. So long. (Grabs and gathers five jars of oil as he leaves the stand)
Iraqi Woman: What is happening?
American (same American wearing blue hat): Hi, we can’t afford to stay here. We will be leaving soon.
Iraqi Woman: Won’t you clean up? You have made a mess here.
American (counting money from food takings): Who votes that we leave (Two muscle bound men put up their hands) And stay? No one? There you have it. Today, you are independent. You are now able to stand on your own, though if you ever need our services again, we will be right behind you.
Iraqi Woman: You have brought only destruction here. What about our money that you collected.
American (counting money...) No, no, no...I’m afraid this is China’s money. We really couldn’t afford to bring all of our help with you...had to fly in from overseas and whatnot...so we borrowed it from them. China funded our exhibition here. We are off to their stand now to repay our debt. Where is their stand?
Iraqi woman: It’s the one over there. Past the Afghanistan stand.
American: Who’s Stan? Oh, right, the one with all of the little children. So long (grabs several jars of oil as he departs and leaves the flag behind).

No comments:

Post a Comment