Monday, September 16, 2013

Scene for meditation

Scene: Westernized Buddhists Meditation Centre. A room full of meditators sit behind a closed door. A woman approaches the door, reads a pamphlet and checks through window in the door to see a Caucasian, western monk like figure seated cross legged at the front of the room. The meditators face the monk also cross legged.
Woman: (opening door, shyly)
Is this the beginners’ meditation? My counsellor has sent me here for generalized anxiety disorder.
Monk:
Ah, wonderful! A newcomer! Yes, welcome. Please take a seat on the cushion and we will get started. (Addressing whole room) Good evening everyone and welcome to the Westernized Buddhists Meditation, my name is Guy and I’ll be leading you through the 3 stages of mindfulness meditation. What we practice here is a process of receptivity. Receptivity to a subtler state of mind to allow equanimity and peace of mind to arise. We cultivate an environment of equanimity despite what may arise within us because of outside disturbances. We don’t react to the outside disturbances, and allow equanimity to arise of its own accord so that we may grow longer and longer periods of inner peace irrespective of external forces around us. We don’t force it, we just remain aware, allowing it to arise. And, in order for it to arise, we use the breath.
In the first stage of mindfulness meditation, we place the count after the breath comes in. That is, breathe in, breathe out count 1. Breathe in, breathe out, count 2. So on and so on in cycles of 10. I will let you know when we move on to the second and third stages by the gentle sound of this gun. (Fires it into the air over his head: BANG, BANG, BANG!).
Woman:
Jesus Christ!
Monk: (Disparagingly, but forgiving of a new comer. Wildly gesticulating with gun.)
Whoa, Whoa, Whoa... Please refrain from talking during the meditation.
Woman: (Startled, hands on head, eyes wild)
Why do you have a gun?
Monk: (Still holding gun, staring at woman, firing it into air BANG!)
Please, a gentle reminder to members both old and new, refrain from speaking (BANG!), moving (BANG!), and keep your eyes closed (BANG!) so as not to disturb the other meditators or yourself. (Loudly empties chamber as bullet cases fall on floor)
Woman: (shaking)
Oh, God help me.
Monk: (addresses fellow monk, smiling)
Rimshaw, more ammunition. We have a guest.
(Loudly reloads. Meditates for two minutes, then BANG! BANG! BANG!)
Woman: (Shaking with fear, shrieks).
Monk:
In the second stage of mindfulness meditation, we place the count before the breath comes in. That is, count 1 breathe in, breathe out. Count 2 breathe in, breathe out. So on, and so on in cycles of 10 until I gently transition us into a still more subtle state of awareness by calmly squeezing this trigger (BANG!)
(Meditates for a few moments. Fires gun: BANG! BANG!)
Woman: (Shrieking loudly)
What is going on here?
Monk:
Silence! (BANG!) In the third stage of mindfulness meditation, we let go of the counting completely. Focusing only on the breath. The radiant, life giving, peaceful breath.
Woman: Breathing heavily. Someone sneaks up on her during a few moments of meditation. Smacks a pie in her face.
Monk:
And finally, following the third stage of meditation, a holy pie is placed in the face of the new comer. Just as The Buddha did for his Disciples, and the Disciples of the Buddha did for their Disciples…so on and so forth from teacher to student, teacher to student, as one candle alights the wick of another candle, until that candle can go out into the world and…
Woman: (Runs out with pie on her face).
Monk:
Enlighten the others.
The End

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